umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
