Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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