If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
