Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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