I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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