drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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