Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
