Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
