i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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