I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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