Michael Bay diarrhea
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
