A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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