i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
