Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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