Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
