i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
