i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
