I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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