Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
