i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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