I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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