paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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