My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
