It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
