It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
