as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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