There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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