the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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