apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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