We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
