i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
