No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
