I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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