dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
