You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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