Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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