He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
