Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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