My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
