i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I understand Curling. That high.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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