listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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