You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
