I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize