is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm too high and old for this...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
