Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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