i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
