dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
