haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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