i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
