I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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