oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
