just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
