Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
