It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
