at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
