Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
