we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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