I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize