I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
