And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
