you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
