I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
