I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
