I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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