I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
