I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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