Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
