I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
