Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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