dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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