so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
